Aching Brain

Ladies and gentlemen, the peekaboo bug*.

Quite a compelling reason as to why Internet Explorer is teh_stupiderer.

What is it? Position something absolutely, float something inside it and poof, seemingly random chunks of your content are belong to the void until you click, select or otherwise massage the seemingly blank area, or one nearby.

The fix? Give the absolutely positioned thing a line height value. Any line height value. line-height: 1; if you want.

Doesn’t it just make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a fork?

* = No, it’s not new. I just needed to vent some steam, okay?

Popularity: 9% [?]

A.K.A. - You can run, but you can’t hide

Mmh, object detection. Assuming JavaScript is turned on (a rather large caveat, granted), it seems to be a pretty reliable method of figuring out which browser your user is, uh, using.

Much like you can code CSS for certain browsers by exploiting holes in their support for various bits any bobs, different browsers support different bits of the ECMAScript standard, and other add their own extensions into the mix.

There’s a wonderful page on object detection over at dhtmlnirvana.com (don’t be afraid of the name), but there is one problem. If you are piddling about with AJAX, you’ll need some way of distinguishing between Opera >= 8 (which supports xmlhttprequest) and Opera < 8 (which doesn’t).

The dhtmlnirvana page has the following:

//Opera 7
opera7 = window.opera && document.createComment

//Opera 6 and below
oldopera= window.opera && !document.createComment

Which presents a problem:

if(window.opera && (document.createComment || !document.createComment))
{
// Opera <= 7
}
else
{
// !(Opera <= 7)
}

which boils down to:

if(window.opera)
{

}

neatly ghettoising all those poor Opera users.

Thankfully, some helpful chap (or chapess, it doesn’t specify) has put a page up on the window.opera object (an object provided by Opera for fun things like JavaScript debugging), and first on the list?

# opera.addEventListener(string: type,function: handler,bool: phase)

* Opera 5&6&7-7.6: No support
* Opera 8+: Registers an event listener for a User JavaScript event. This method only has any effect in User JavaScript files.

Genius. Now we can use:

if((window.opera && !window.opera.addEventListener))
{
// Opera < 8
}
else
{
// !(Opera <
}

Throw in some other bits and bobs and you have:

function checkAJAXCapable()
{
if( // non dom browsers
(!document.getElementsByTagName || !document.getElementById)
// ie 5/mac
|| (document.all && !document.mimeType && !window.opera)
// opera < 8
|| (window.opera && !window.opera.addEventListener)
)
{
// put something here to deal with non-supported browsers
}
}

Popularity: 9% [?]

It’s CSS Naked Day, time to bare the nether regions of your markup, flop it onto the table and feel the air running through it.

That rather disturbing metaphor aside, I initially thought that this was a rather silly idea as all it’s going to do is confuse people (god forbid anyone would actually read what’s on the page, which seems to explain what’s going on on all the sites participating), but on reflection it’s really a bit clever. At least, it’s getting me to take a good, long look (the kind of good, long look you can only take when you’ve got far more pressing things to attend to like, oh, revision) at how even though I try my best to use only valid structural markup and keep all the presentation stuff in CSS, a few decisions are made purely based on layout. For example, occasionally, just occasionally, I’ll do the following (minus all those point obscuring tag attributes):

<label>
<input /> text:</label>

Define a height and width for the label, make it display: block, give the input a width and float: right and bang, beautifully aligned forms with minimal code. However this is very lazy and the method used on this site is much better (even though it looks a bit silly today with no styling, but hey - that’s the point, eh?) and will be all I use from now on I’m very naughty sorry sorry sorry.

Popularity: 9% [?]

I’m going for short and sweet today.

Type “map” into Google. The Google Maps site only comes out fifth on the result list. Surely they could skew that kind of thing. However, I am pleased that the tube map comes out higher. It is certainly one of the most iconographic designs in existence. Then again, give it 50 years and people will probably be saying the same of Google’s logo.

Popularity: 16% [?]

I receive and send an outrageous amount of emails every day from my work address. At this point it may be worth pointing out that my hotmail address is currently totally unmanageable as well. All the emails full of useful information are lost in amongst the hundreds of emails from friends, which amount to a kind of online discussion board that exists to coordinate various important social gatherings (teh quiz), to send forth the latest humourous interweb finding (tronguy), and more generally to preserve our mutual sanity in moments of work dullness. And as another aside to this blog maybe we should have an achingbrain.net comment board for those of us who are blocked from using web-based mail / blog sites at work. The membership would of course be terribly exclusive.

So back to my inbox and its 1112 emails, all of which I have never bothered to put into folders. I had this theory that I would delete the useless ones, and then use the Outlook “Find” function to track down the useful emails when required. Sadly my inbox is now so crowded that the “Find” function is about as speedy as a snail.

So today, I have declared “Inbox management day” (please feel free to join in my celebrations). Today I am going to create folders and file my emails; I am going to blog about it before I begin.

For some time now I have considered the unsorted and unregimented inbox as the last bastion of my insubordination. I’ll explain, in my current job I am working in an industry I never expected to, my job is to organise another’s life, and frankly at times it blows. The random emails floating about in inbox space reminded me of someone who didn’t want to file for life, free and easy, floating in the wind (apologies for the metaphor overload)… As much as I would like to keep it this way, technology has scuppered my attempts, and hindered my propagation of the scruffiest inbox in the world.

So today, it’s time to accept my fate, clip my wings, and prepare myself for a life of filing. Am I sad? Well, a bit. But I suppose this is a prequel to a much longer blog I have stored up about the problems of being a member of the undefined generation (aka Generation Y). I hope my boss doesn’t know about this site.

Popularity: 18% [?]

I finally watched Serenity last night (sorry Cat). Bleh.

Before I launch into my rant, I want to make it clear that I loved the TV show. Loved. It was great, and until Battlestar Galactica started, I viewed it as the saving grace of Sci-Fi, particularly after the damage done to the genre by Enterprise. It was Joss Whedon at the height of his powers (alright, maybe not as good as Numfar doing The Dance Of Shame), witty, cynical and incisive.

So what happened?

Katherine recently introduced me to a wonderful term - Jumped the shark. It is a reference to a scene in Happy Days where the Fonz jumps over a shark on a pair of water skis, and is generally the point in a series where you realise that it’s got pretty crap, usually because something fundamental has altered which changes the dynamic (like Buffy graduating), or the story becomes so slow moving that it practically grinds to halt (I’m looking at you, Lost). With Serenity, Firefly jumped the shark.

Two ‘main’ characters with suspiciously little screen time prior to that point are killed off - Wash has about two lines (both comedic) and then dies (a bit unessarily if you ask me). Book is no longer a member of the crew, but shows up just long enough to say ‘Ooh, I’m old and wise, but have a dark past that I’m only going to hint at’, much like in the TV series, but then also dies, so we’ll never know. Malcom then orders the crew to tie the dead bodies of Book and his family to the front of their ship. ‘But they’re our friends!’, says Kayleigh, voicing the collective conciousness of the watchers of the original TV show. Talk about burning your bridges, it’s like Whedon is really sick of Firefly by this point.

Talking of Kayleigh - her and the good Doctor hardly get a look in, apart from a brief exchange at the end where they promise to have a shag at some vague point in the future. Nice resolution of that sub-plot. Such romance. Really touching.

The Reavers, oh don’t get me started on the Reavers. They had such potential. As an embodiment of absolute, relentless evil they are on a par with the Borg (proper, collective Borg from the episode ‘Q Who‘ or the Battle of Wolf 359. Not that First Contact pseudo S&M rubbish (hey, the film was good, but having the ‘borg queen’ is pretty far removed from their orignal premise. Then getting her trying to shag Data *rolls eyes*)), but far more visceral, more primeval. And then Serenity. I’d always secretly hoped that they would turn the whole flesh eating zombie type thing on it’s head and reveal them to be intelligent and highly advanced, despite their feral appearance, but no. Their beginnings were so pedestrian it was painful to watch (10% had the opposite reaction! Oh no! That didn’t show up in the lab tests! Hmm. Now I come to think of it, that might explain those mice that started eating the other mice.), and somehow a short video of this revelation manages to turn the suddenly unquestioning assassin (who has previously shown no tendency to be influenced at all and entirely single minded in his purpose to kill River) against the coalition. Oh and Mal just happens to have had that nerve cluster moved. How convenient.

Yawn. Thank god there’s not going to be another one. Oh shit.

Popularity: 9% [?]

Will has been rejigging his website:

http://www.thefrozenwave.co.uk

Check it out - there’s some really beautiful photography going on (I’d really like this one as a desktop image) - how talented is this man?

Popularity: 9% [?]

MC Hammer has a blog:

http://mchammer.blogspot.com

Well I never…

Popularity: 9% [?]

http://framework.zend.com

However this one is written by Zend (who are pretty important the PHP sphere - a Redhat to your Linux, an IBM to your Java - not an inventor but a significant contributor), so it’s probably worth checking out.

I’m never sure about frameworks. If documentation is limited, it may be quicker to knock your own version up rather than try to understand someone else’s code - you also get the added bonus of a deeper understanding of the issues involved which can greatly speed up debugging and make you sound knowledgeable in the pub. There’s also usually quite a big overhead in terms of code that’s included which won’t get used. You also get tied to their way of doing things and as such your app becomes subject to the whim and fancy of their developers. On the other hand, they are often much more thoroughly debugged than your own code (particularly the open source ones due to the amount of feedback they are likely to receive) and probably written by someone a lot better at it than you are.

Some frameworks seem to do more than just add a few short cuts, syntactic sugar and convenience methods though, and these are the ones that really interest me. At the moment I’m eyeing up the rather fabulous looking Prototype for the pet project (which barring a few silly layout issues which will be fixed in the Great Refactoring and Redesign over the summer, now works in Internet Explorer, hurrah! - Ah, how coursework deadlines wonderfully focus the mind on other things), as it actually extends the JavaScript language in a genuinely useful way. For example, it adds a method called getElementsByClassName to the DOM. Why wasn’t it there in the first place? Exactly.

It’s not all roses and plum pudding though - the word ‘extends’ nearly brings me out in a cold sweat, as that’s exactly the sort of thing Microsoft and Netscape were doing at the end of the last century, and we all know how that ended up. But to get a sense of perspective back, the Prototype library is just a JavaScript document that you add to your page, no more, no less. It’s not some sort of browser plugin, extension, hack or other massive change inducing thing. The code is there to see and they take particular pains to get it to function identically on whatever platform.

Hmm..*

* = I can’t think of a suitable closing sentence and I’ve got a compiler to write, so ‘hmm’ will have to do.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Today, in the office studio, we have mostly been listening to the rather excellent social networking/Internet radio/music recommendation service Last.fm.

It rocketh, pwns all your demographic base and conveniently is available for Windows, OS X, Linux and even BSD.

Those clever chaps have even developed a plugin for your media player that collects data used to recommend songs. Supported media players include not only the usual suspects (iTunes, WinAmp, etc), but even XMMS, RythmnBox, Noatun, SlimServer and the Xbox Media Center.

Crikey.

Popularity: 8% [?]

http://www.meatandcheese.co.uk

Bonkers. With free gifts if you order online for pick up.

From the geniuses who brought you the GuffHopper (the GuffHopper website is sadly unsuitable for viewing at places of employment where humor involving body parts that are usually covered up in polite company is frowned upon, but if you can turn your monitor round so no-one else can see it, feel free to have a perv peek).

Popularity: 10% [?]

It’s what a drum roll accompanied by a repetitive bass drum beat looks like.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Yesterday I met a friend of a friend who studies English and Comparative Literature. They said that I looked like the kind of person who was good at his course (must have been the pocket protectors). Consequently, they said, I should be able to fix the problems with their computer without too much trouble.

I said that I have a friend with a degree in English, which is handy as I can call her for help with grammar and spelling.

A little childish perhaps, but fun.

Popularity: 8% [?]

I’ve been having a lot of trouble with spyware recently. I bought a new monitor for the desktop which has spurred me on to using it more often and the more powerful 3D card (vs my laptop) is useful for my final year project as well.

It seems trying to keep a couple of desktops from getting infected is a full time job. I swear, I was *this* close to breaking out the Gentoo install CDs on the desktop the other day.

Fucking Windows. Why is drive by installation of software so easy, even with FireFox? You don’t even get prompted for any bizarre downloads or for any files to be run, it’s insidious. Some of the software is just plain aggressive (I’m looking at you, CoolWebSearch).

What a pain.

The only upshot of all this is that it seem that it can’t infect your machine/spread the infection if you are logged in as a limited user rather than an administrator. At which point any readers using Linux/Mac OS/BSD/anything !Windows slap their foreheads and go

Common sense, duh!

Yes, indeed. Although have you tried running Windows without Administrator access on a home machine? It’s next to impossible. I always find myself switching accounts to install this or change that. Not exactly good for the work flow.

Apparently Vista will have a feature similar to sudo or gksudo which should ease the pain of working as a non-privileged user on a home desktop, although saying that sort of stuff kind of makes me feel a bit faint. It’ll be fixed in the next version, Microsoft will save us, ooh, a novel new feature, etc. Not much use right now, is it? Particularly when the *NIX-a-likes of the world have had this sort of facility for, what - 20 odd years?

Grrrmrmmhmh mutter mutter…

Popularity: 9% [?]

http://xbox360.ign.com/articles/690/690449p1.html

Blimey. I nearly spat very mayonnaisey chicken and bacon ciabatta over my monitor (it’s at the bottom of the page).

It’s something to do with the way he’s holding it and that episode of Red Dwarf where Lister says the pleasure gelf that making love to a complete stranger is a very serious business, so she relax while he changes into his Spiderman costume.

*shudders*

Popularity: 9% [?]

I never thought it would be so difficult to buy a wired Apple keyboard in South London at short notice.

Really quite incredible.

I keep being met with ‘A what keyboard?’ or just ‘Buuugh, we don’t sell them here. Have you looked at the Logitech ones? They’ve got lots of media buttons!’. Yes, yes they do. If I try really, really hard, I might even press one, one day.

Update

There’s an Authorised Apple reseller in Bulwagh. Well I never. Not that they’ve got any stock of wired keyboards, mind…

Popularity: 8% [?]

http://inigopete.livejournal.com/4438.html

Although, having a mobile didn’t really help when Dave decided to get intimate with that tree shortly after this photo was taken, as although we were on a man-made trail, we were in woop woop and consequently had no reception…

Popularity: 9% [?]

Got this in my inbox the other day:

Do you know how much several Web Designer earns?
120-170 K bucks per year!

Don’t believe? Visit http://www.jobsearch.com/ , http://www.JobMonster.com/ or any other famous job site!

Don’t you want to change your job now?

Learn the best and the most effective web designer’s tools first:

Photoshop 7
It is an integrated design environment that combines the most complete upgrade - featuring full, new versions of the tools you rely on most for image editing, illustration, page layout, and cross-media output - with innovative file-management features, and comprehensive design resources.

Dreamweaver MX 2004
It is the professional choice for building web sites and applications. It provides a powerful combination of visual layout tools, application development features, and code editing support, enabling developers and designers at every skill level to create visually appealing, standards-based sites and applications quickly. From leading support for CSS-based design to hand-coding features, Dreamweaver provides the tools professionals need in an integrated, streamlined environment. Developers can use Dreamweaver with the server technology of their choice to build powerful Internet applications that connect users to databases, web services, and legacy systems.

Macromedia Flash MX 2004
It is the industry standard tool for creating effective rich content across desktops and devices. Designers and developers use Macromedia Flash MX 2004 to accelerate projects while maintaining a high degree of creative control. Take advantage of the vast Macromedia online Resource Library. Speed workflow by directly importing media including digital video, PDF and EPS files. Add interactivity with powerful scripting and enhance content with custom effects from third-party extensions.

All these program include full “Help” (F1 key) and can be easily learned by any advanced PC user.

Only on our site you can find all soft with 75% discount!
*link would have been here*

Very odd. I particularly like the F1 key bit.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Verity ‘Cruft Force‘ Stob opens up a can of whupass on the BBC Bitesize revision website covering ‘ICT’, whatever that is. Genius.

http://www.regdeveloper.co.uk/2006/02/06/bitesize_gcse/

I particularly like the programme/program bit. That always irritates me.

Popularity: 35% [?]

See? I don’t even have to justify the title. You know you agree with me. Be it because of the jobsworth nazi who wouldn’t let you on the nightbus in the middle of nowhere with no one else around because you didn’t pre-buy your ticket as it might slow him down, or the sadistic bastard who watched you in his rear view mirror as you run for two hundred meters to get the only bus every hour just to drive off as you reach the door which he has just slammed in your face.

Arseholes.

The problem is, sometimes their behaviour can be downright dangerous. I cycle to work, and like every good cyclist, I think it’s great and everyone should do it. The most common reason people seem to have for not cycling is not wanting to be squashed by a bus. Although not on most people’s to do list (definitely not mine), this is almost a good reason not to. Almost.

To your average cyclist, a bus represents the classic immovable object. Were you to be hit by a yummy mummy doing the school run through Bulwagh* in her outsized SUV with little Billy on his booster seat in the front all curly ringlets and designer baby clothes, you’d hope that you would possibly catch his attention before becoming a stain on the road just long enough for him to require years of psychotherapy later in life and have a strange aversion to gas guzzling monstrosities until he becomes that which he fears, a shaved roadie with 0% body fat wearing only unwashed lycra and cycling like a bat out of hell, a mad glint in his eye as he tries to pedal away from himself and the army of rat men ever behind him and the darkness they bring. A bus? No chance. If you were hit by a bus, you wouldn’t even register. If the driver has more than one brain cell, they might bump together eliciting the though ‘Funny. I didn’t see that speedbump.’ But chances are you wouldn’t jolt the bus enough to cause this cranial movement.

Take this example: Yesterday, I was cycling back from the supermarket in broad daylight and a bus overtook me. This is not out of the ordinary. But the bus committed that perennial sin which motorists seem to enjoy so much - they overtake you and then slam on the brakes for the left turn/road island/etc that was right in front of you, blocking the road and causing you to brake unnecessarily.

The bus driver in question overtook me, then swerved in front of me to stop at the bus stop which was, oh, twenty metres or so ahead. Why? Just why? Fine, I thought as I slammed on the brakes and nearly hit the back of him. You’re a bit of a plonker. Maybe you didn’t see the bus stop, or maybe you’re a bit of a plonker. Whatever. So I looked over my shoulder, signaled right and went round him.

This took me to a roundabout, a left turn later and I’m happily cruising along, when I see another bus stop ahead and hear that familiar rumbling sound behind me. Whoosh, the cunt nearly knocks me off my bike as he does the exact same thing. This time, when I look over my shoulder, there is a line of three cars also trying to go round the bus. This puts me in a difficult situation. Obviously I’d like to go round the bus and not stop for reasons above, but chances are pulling out in front of the following cars would be a very bad idea. So I slam on the brakes once more. I wait for the cars to pass and go round the bus, taking time to make gesticulations to the effect that he should spend less time playing with himself and more time watching where he is going. He doesn’t look pleased. Fed up with him being behind me, I jump the next red light, but not before he tries to follow me right through it.

It’s hard to think how a bus driver could be less considerate, aside from jack-knifing in front of my house. It might not be such a bad idea for drivers in general, but particularly drivers of large vehicles to be forced to cycle for at least a month as part of getting a licence to drive them. This may help them have a little more patience and respect for those who don’t have the luxury of crumple zones.

* = Someone called it that in a text message the other day. Classic. If you know where I mean, you’ll know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, say it while trying to sound posh and you’ll be most of the way there.

Popularity: 14% [?]