Oh dear - the amazingly vapid Sandi Thom is back with her latest hit, What if I’m right? Some have suggested that my particularly high levels of venom towards Sandi are caused by my insane jealousy of her archetypal girl next door’s rags to riches success story. Just to clear this matter up, if anyone has ever seen me playing on stage on my own then you will know that musical recognition or a career as a solo performer is not something I aspire to; it seems to trigger this strange all over shaky effect coupled with a rabbit-in-the-headlights style reaction.
Enough about me, now Sandi, bless, got her record contract after being spotted when she did a webcast of her gigs from her basement. If you are silly enough to believe that this wasn’t organised by the RCA marketing man in the first place, then you probably also believe that Lily Allen wasn’t aided and abetted in some by her father’s very existence.
I would normally be willing to forgive this, because let’s face it the only way we are introduced to music is via some marketing ploy; even seemingly word of mouth promotion is engineered by them in some way. I have no problem with this state of affairs.
What I do have a problem with is Sandi’s rough book scribble style lyrics. I am not saying I could do any better, because writing lyrics is exceedingly difficult. Even Roger Waters said that he now thought that the words on Dark Side of the Moon were slightly “sixth-form-ish.” I don’t think old Roger has a thing to worry about, next to the banality of Thom’s record Smile, it confuses people. Aside from the laughable title of the record, the first song was set in some kind of crazy Thom-verse where the 60s and the 70s merged to create a land ruled by punk rockers with flowers in their hair, where letters were the de facto communication method, and dirty footballers were every girls dream. Look love, if you detest modern society so much, why are you so comfortable with your online presence being such a large part of your press releases? There’s even another song on the album called When horsepower meant what it said, which features choice lines such as:
And if we’re keeping up with progress why am I standing still
Maybe we should take a walk and talk to the horses on the hill.
I was sure many bands have come up with equally daft lyrics, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I find so especially grating about Sandi Thom. That was until I heard her second single What if I’m right? The song seems to be an ode to her ideal husband. Um, well, to tell you the truth, it makes him sound about as bland as her music. I feel sorry for the poor boy who has to live up to all this. Just for clarity here are the words.
Take me on a journey and be there ’til the end
It won’t be an uphill struggle, on you I can depend
You’ll promise me a dream home with roses round the door
You’ll cover me in diamonds, there’s nothing I’ll want forYou’ll be strong and you’ll turn me on
But I got my doubts and what if I’m right
You’ll be true and be faithful too
But I got my doubts, and what if I’m right
What if I’m right‘Cause if the rain starts falling, you’ll protect me with your coat
You’ll always tape the football and let me watch my shows
You’ll always be this handsome, and your weight will never gain
And when I give birth to our children, I will feel no painYou’ll bring me flowers and you’ll bring me showers
But I got my doubts, and what if I’m right
You’ll say I’m thin and bring the washing in
But I got my doubts, and what if I’m right
What If I’m rightWe’ll always keep the magic, the tender love and care
And when you need to change the light bulb you won’t hand me the chair
And when we’re tired of the city, and we find a country home
You’ll sell your vinyl records and go get us a loanYou’ll be my sympathetic lover, and you won’t steal the covers
But I got my doubts and what if I’m right
You won’t forsake me, your mother won’t hate me
But I got my doubts and what if I’m right
You’ll be strong and you’ll turn me on
But I got my doubts and, what if I’m right
You’ll be true and be faithful too
But I’ve got my doubts and what if I’m right
What if I’m right
Show me the way to the vomitorium, I mean, have you ever heard anything quite so repellent? Answers below please…
Popularity: 26% [?]
August 23rd, 2006 at 3:26 pm
for someone you despise so completely, you sure have spent a lot of time listening to her stuff…
August 23rd, 2006 at 3:37 pm
Unfortunately the new Classic FM player doesn’t work on my computer at work… I am forced to listen to Virgin Radio, and they are fans of the Thom. Besides googl-ing lyrics and What if I’m right prevents any transcription work…
August 23rd, 2006 at 4:32 pm
hmmm. and yet I am surrounded by the dulcet tones of BP staff and visitors, phones, and general air-con and building noise.
virgin radio would be a blessing.
August 23rd, 2006 at 4:33 pm
incidentally, did I tell you that one of my sister’s friends is the Thom’s guitarist?
Fascinating fact of the day.
August 23rd, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Good on them - I hope their royalty cheque is bountiful…
August 23rd, 2006 at 10:17 pm
if you can stand the adverts for smileys, mobile phones and “You’ve won an iPod!!!!!”, I direct you towards, *ahem*
Paris Hilton Lyrics:
http://www.hotlyrics.net/lyrics/P/Paris_Hilton/
although she only claims to have written _some_ of them herself. Which is possibly even worse.
: P
August 24th, 2006 at 12:57 pm
Yes, she is fairly annoying too.
But Paris Hilton is meant to be silly and vacuous, it’s how she is marketed, it’s how she wants to appear, and it’s how her songs sound.
My problem with Sandi Thom is more that her songs don’t match her marketing, and thus I find her less appealing.
February 6th, 2007 at 4:49 am
I found this song to be quite useful in an AMV, I made.
It also, happens to be my girlfriend’s favorite song as it is mine.
If you find her so annoying then why did you post this and not let it go?
I mean, if you hate her or find her irritating then you’d forget about her but, she sounds pretty good from what my girl tells me.
Btw, to clear matters up, I’m a chick also.
I’ve met Sandi Thom. She’s pretty cool.
February 15th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Complete and utter drivel, i was talked inot actually going to see her at the lowry, apart from there being an almost empty venue, the performance was cringe in your shoes, second rate busker material. Before the show i neither loved or hated this performer, I have emailed and faxed her record company demanding my money back, i was robbed!
April 15th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
i find sandi thoms lyrics and songs great if your find her so terible then why did you post a page about her and may i say the way you have written about her and her husbands relationship is totaly out of order,i mean you dont know if thier relationship is like that or not and if is then lucky them.
April 15th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
I don’t give a monkey’s about Thom’s relationship to any other individual, I just dislike her lyrics. Just like you clearly dislike other people’s opinions. We can’t have it all, eh…